Just jump!

I’ve wanted to start a blog for a long time now.  Probably ever since blogging became a word.  I have been writing for as long as I can remember.  I’ve kept a journal since I was a kid (and shudder at the thought that I have no idea where most of them are – I can’t help but think my mother will find them someday – and now that I am pregnant have lately been fearing that my children will).

Whenever I’ve needed to blow off steam I write.  When I need to really think something through I write.  When I seem to be questioning life in general, I write. 

I once took a creative writing course but dropped it when the professor announced to the class, “Now, this isn’t your therapy – this isn’t all about spilling your guts”.  I became terrified at the prospect of writing anything else, and actually being judged (well, in this case marked) on it.  So I never went back.  That is actually one of my greatest regrets now.  

Fear made me drop that class.  And fear has been what’s held me back from starting a blog.  Since my writing is so personal, sharing it has always been pretty much off-limits for me.  Even when I am tapping away at my laptop keys on my couch, and my husband peers his head over my shoulder to see what I am up to, I quickly minimize the screen.  I’ve shown exactly one friend (Vanessa) and exactly one family member (my beloved sister) any of my writing, and that was years ago.  The feedback was lovely, but hey – what are they going to say?  You suck at this, give it up girlfriend?  Don’t think so. 

The fear then gave way to the question, “who would want to read what I write anyway?  Isn’t it a little narcissistic to believe that anyone would actually care what I have to say?”  But again, I suppose I can tie that into fear.  Really, who cares what people think about it?  I am doing this for me, that I know for sure.

Alas, here I am.  Finally ready to share with the world.  Or with whoever cares to read this thing.  I don’t know the “rules” about blogging.  I think I will just write what I feel like writing, share what I feel like sharing.  I am expecting my first child, so the initial posts are going to be very much centered around that.  But perhaps I’ll share some of my old writing too, and who knows what the future holds.  So here goes…