Jaime and I are planning a home birth.
There, I said it. We have a midwife and a doula. We've done extensive research and have made
our decision based on what we feel is best for us and our baby. Yes, we realize that in choosing a home
birth, the option for an epidural won’t be there. Yes, we realize that not everything always
goes to plan, and yes, we will go to the hospital if at any point the midwife
recommends it. We live 2 minutes away from the hospital, and we are prepared to go there if need be.
Firstly, I want to say that I believe – now stronger than
ever due to my current pregnant condition - that growing and birthing a child
is the most miraculous and strong thing a woman can do in her lifetime. There is truly nothing like it as far as I've experienced. How a woman chooses to have
her baby receives no judgement from me.
I completely understand why women would choose to get an epidural,
C-section, Pitocin, or go completely natural.
I also understand that sometimes a woman doesn't have the luxury of a
choice. Sometimes the professionals do
what they have to do in order to ensure that baby is brought into this world as
safely as possible – and that mom is perfectly safe as well. This may involve interventions that maybe weren't considered in a “birth plan”.
The bottom line is, no one can really plan for or fully know what to
expect when it comes to giving birth, including myself. My "plan" could go out the window, and I am prepared for that.
All that being said I feel that a natural birth is the birthing
experience that I would like to have. I
would like to experience everything, feel what it feels to bring this baby that
has been a part of me for the past 37 weeks, into this world the way I was
built to do it. And I would really like
that experience to be in our home.
Initially, I didn't even consider a home birth. Once I started seeing a midwife, people began
asking me, “You have a midwife?! You’re
not having your baby at home are you??” To which I would swiftly respond “No,
no! I will be delivering at
Southlake. Just because you have a
midwife does not mean you are expected to deliver your baby at home. Sheesh!”.
But the horror and disbelief in the eyes of those who asked me that
question really resonated with me, and quite honestly peaked my interest. I have known a number of women who have
chosen to have home births, and their experiences were hands down, the most
positive-sounding experiences I have heard from any of my friends who have had
babies. After hearing so many wonderful
stories, why was it that so many people thought a home birth was insane? Why was it that many of the women who I know
who had epidurals spoke about labour as hellish, while the women who did so
drug-free barely spoke about the pain, and rather described the experience as
“beautiful”, “magical”, “empowering” and the like? Were the latter just silly hippies who were
in denial about what it was really like?
Was it spiritual nonsense? I
started to look into it, and luckily my husband Jaime was interested too.
After hearing many stories, reading many personal
accounts, watching a couple of movies and checking out a lot of statistics, it became
clear to us that having a home birth wasn't as risky or dangerous as so many
people believe it to be (as long as you have a no-risk pregnancy of course). Midwives are
professional baby-deliverers. Unlike
OBGYNS (and this is NOT to knock doctors, I have an enormous respect for
doctors, being co-raised by one myself, and absolutely believe they are crucial in emergency situations), midwives specialize only in pregnancy
and birth. When they are at work, they
are all about the baby (as opposed to OBGYNS who also deal with a multitude of other
female concerns, many of which have nothing to do with pregnancy or birth at
all). Midwives are also with you
throughout your active labour, while OBGYNS pop in occasionally, and most
appear at the end of the pushing stage to “catch” the baby. Many women state this is pretty much the only
time they saw the doctor throughout their labour. There is no doubt in my mind that I am in
good hands with a midwife. That, and the
relationship you develop with your midwives over the course of your pregnancy
becomes one of familiarity and kinship.
And something that I have found to be priceless: midwives believe (in
fact, this belief is at the core of their practice) that women CAN deliver
babies naturally more often than not.
They take the fear and stigma out of giving birth. This is refreshing considering the world
around us – a world that generally views childbirth as a horrendous, necessary
evil that ultimately produces the love of your life – but not without a whole
lot of pain and suffering.
What I find most concerning is the response generally
received by other women. I can’t tell
you how many times I've been told, “You have NO idea what you’re getting into”,
“you just WAIT until the contractions start, and trust me you’ll be begging for
an epidural”, “you know, pretty much every woman PLANS to have a natural birth. But once the contractions start, those plans
seem pretty futile”, and my personal favourite: “Don’t be a hero” (I personally think any woman who grows a baby is a hero). But I must admit, hearing these things over
and over again started to blur out the positive stories I've heard from women who
haven’t had epidurals. I only have other
women to turn to in order talk about these things – other women who have
experienced birth, whose stories help paint a picture of what it will be like. Their stories and comments started to make me
question whether I can really do this thing.
And worst of all, they started to make me feel silly for even considering
it. After all, what the heck do I know
about giving birth, and the visceral pain that accompanies contractions, and the
exhaustion that it wreaks on your body and mind? I really know nothing! Sure, I have had debilitating,
hyperventilation-inducing menstrual cramps most of my post-pubescent life
(which when I think about those, I recall one time begging my husband to take
me to the hospital for morphine…which of course only amplifies my uncertainty in
my ability to give birth without drugs).
But from what I am told, even the worst menstrual cramps pale in
comparison to labour contractions. And
when I am hearing mostly negative responses, laced with the implied “You can’t
do that, sweetie”, why would I believe I can?
Not to mention the countless husbands/partners who often echo the same
thing.
I suppose I can turn to the women who have shared their
positive stories, but frankly they aren't the ones in abundance all around
me. Maybe one in ten to fifteen women I
encounter tell me they didn't have an epidural.
Yet typically, they say it not with pride or boastfulness, but with a
matter-of-factness that is so refreshing I could hug them. I recently saw an old friend, who drove
almost two hours with her husband and 2 kids to come to my baby shower, ONE
WEEK after giving birth to a beautiful baby boy. Before she knew my birth wishes, she started
telling me about her birth experience (with both children) and how much she
loved it – how she did it without drugs and had absolutely no regrets about
that. Of course, she acknowledged the
pain – but it was an afterthought. The
experience of bringing her baby into this world, the feelings that went along
with it, the sense of relief when he was finally out, the endorphins that
pumped through her body – that was what she described. I was so happy to hear this at a point when I
was starting to feel so deflated. It’s
as though she was meant to be there to share this story with me, to give me
back the feeling that made me want to have a natural home birth in the first
place that I needed.
And as I am writing this I am realizing that those are
the stories I need to cling to. I
suppose it’s a lesson in positive thinking: focus on the good, not the
bad. Think you CAN do it, not that you
can’t. That is the secret, I
believe. Besides, who doesn't want to be
a hero?
